On February 12, 2020 I got a text message from the man that I thought was my future husband. I expected this text. It was part of a cycle that he and I had created together.
We have been on again, off again, for several years. Each time it ended with a strange text after our honeymoon phase had ended! Each time we did better, we lasted longer, but it still always ended this way! A forced text. He could get away with this because we live in different cities. He also knows I will not run behind him. I love deeply. I will not let go until I’m finished. That could be an hour or years.
He wants to be the supplier of all my financial wants and needs. I’m financially independent. When he has a financial burden, he shuts down. We hit this brick wall every time! We said this time would be the last time. No more breaking up! I will always try to make it work if I see hope. My love, passion, and determination helps me so much in my life. It has helped me reach so many personal goals. However, in love it can set me up for failure.
For love, you will always consider the rocky road and the killer cliff even when you know danger is ahead. – Keshia Barnett
So let’s fast forward to a month later. I have the coronavirus. I’m feeling like I’m about to die. His shirt is warm when I’m cold and cold when I’m warm. I would tie it around my neck to cover my coughs. I would sleep on it. It brought me great comfort. I talked to him via text. We were done emotionally. I didn’t miss him. I just needed to know that he didn’t want me to die. That he would be hurt if I died. Is that strange?
In April, I started healing! In May recovery was in full swing. Self-published two books in two months! Feeling blessed to be alive. I have no reason to keep the shirt. The shirt is still here…
I’m questioning myself. Should I throw the shirt away?
Go and get my new book! So excited!!!This was such a fun book to write! My daughter and I also shared this together, with her serving as co-illustrator. Making great memories in the pandemic! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08BDVN6MQ
You can’t complain when your heart’s desire happens? Can you? Well, maybe not complain but just reassure yourself that the path you are currently taking is the right one. The life of a self -published author is busy! It’s a hustler’s game. You are responsible for your own success and/ or failure with no publishing company to blame if you don’t succeed. THAT IS SCARY!!!
However, I would not trade that type of autonomy EVER! Ultimately, it’s up to me to make me or break me and everyone should be so blessed to have that experience in life. The difficult part for this independent only child is the networking that seems like CONSTANT begging!
Well, like anything else, it’s how you frame that screenplay in your mind. It is intense asking people to believe in you and share with others their endorsement. It’s either a naive dream of mine, or it’s a dream with nightmare tendencies. Either way, I’ll take it all. I’m ready for it ALL! BOOK #2 is almost done!
What happens when you make it through a negative situation? You always make a great punch. The desire was always present. I truly believe God honors our heart’s desires but of course not on our time.You could also make lemonade, lol.
For 15+ plus years I have wanted to write a book and nothing moved! My mind didn’t move, my years of training as an educator didn’t help me, and my own life experiences did not move me toward my book goal at all.
Then, I find myself attempting to heal physically and emotionally after getting over the coronavirus. I realize my daughter is emotionally traumatized after my illness. So we write a book in 2.5 weeks. What an excellent experience to validate my daughter’s emotions.
Life is about timing. Sometimes that which was so impossible became so easy! That’s how life works. So, maybe I’m finding my way to MY STORY through OUR STORY? Stay with me! A new journey begins.