In the beginning we agreed on an appropriate time and place to meet each night. Our relationship seemed normal. He had been in my life so long that I couldn’t remember when he wasn’t next to me. I remember when I could go for nights without seeing him. I was so focused on having fun! His strict schedule was stifling me. I couldn’t be creative or stay up late to finish work. I tried to leave him for years. I wish I didn’t need him. I tell him I am leaving like I have done before. He indignantly said you will return.
He is always there waiting on me to return. He laughs out loud. He smiles as I playfully hit in the chest. He whispers welcome back my love.
Night after night I try to deny that I want him or need him. When I’m with him I’m happy and calm. He wakes me up with a smile on my face. I have enough energy to get in needed workouts. Life is so good with him. I even find myself loosing weight when I see him for extended periods of time. My mind becomes clear and focused. My overall well-being is better when I let him have his way with me.
However, I refuse to give him credit for my success! I have gone for years with just a few hours of his time and been good. I keep saying to myself stop giving him credit. I am my own woman, I don’t need him! I have others to care for and things to do. I don’t have time for his passionate kisses. I don’t want his touch to engulfs me anymore! Sometimes he scares me, because most of the time I can’t remember what we did when we’re together. Lately, he has become so forceful and controlling! It’s time for me to leave. Do I want stay away forever?
He starts to call me almost as soon as I leave. I’m in meetings and doing work. He is sending subliminally messages. I can hear him saying come to me NOW! I go take a walk. When I was younger, he did not run behind me. As I have grown older, he checks on me more. Sometimes I can only stay away a day or so. In the past, I could stay away for several days. I wish he wasn’t so selfish. Why can’t we just sneak around and hang out a few hours a day? I told him I’ll stay if he just plays by my rules. He told me he has standards that he will not lower for me. He says he requires time with him daily. He wants my commitment. I refuse. He becomes angry and tries to force me to go away with him all day long! I fight him! He wins! I’m under his spell again.
He reminds me that he can be addictive and too much of him will make me lazy or even more tired. I laugh, he is really full of himself. I stay and take advantage of all his benefits! Soon I start to grow weary of this mundane schedule he has created for me. I try to function without him. But, I always return to him reluctantly. Embarrassed by my departure-return cycle. I get upset and he kisses my forehead. He whispers, stop running we belong together.
I plan on leaving again. This time I’m going to date one of his best friends. So, I try to get a new lover his friend, THE BED. I wanted to hurt him and make him angry. I wanted to prove to him I didn’t need him at all. He laughed very loud and said as you get older THE BED will betray you.
As the years passed THE BED and I began to fight constantly. My back was hurting, I wasn’t sleeping well, and THE BED was the issue. THE BED wanted me to buy support every 5-10 years to make me feel better. What had I done? I could see that my lover was correct but I didn’t want to admit it. I returned to my lover. He said I told you he would betray you.
I told a long story just to say get you some sleep!